no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
