At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
