I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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