I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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