I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
