make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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