I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
