I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
