no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
