We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
