that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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