When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
