Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
