its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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