I smell stomach acid.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
