when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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