Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
