At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
