Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
This is not my ceiling
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
