i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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