I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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