i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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