call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
