Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
