two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
