As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
