i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
