I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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