wake up i wanna do it froggy style
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Dicks are not precious.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
