i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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