I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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