When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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