Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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