I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
