it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
