Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
