Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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