We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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