You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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