I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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