help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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