is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
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