I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
