Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
if only i could text you this smell
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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