I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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