dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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