she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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