I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
