i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
