She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
