Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
