Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
