Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
